HURT COBAIN! THE REAL REASON(S) KURT’S DEAD
The interchangeable face of the ‘90s and teenage acne, Kurt Cobain shot himself up past his meteoric fame, all the way to Nirvana, thirty years ago to this Friday. Tragic. Sipping on my Pennyroyal Tea, I understand that he was a most talented, however troubled, determined rockstar that just wanted to do the work and get his songs out to the World of 20-something oddballs like him. However, there are individuals who choose to view him as a more sinister entity. To the point where I have a theory as to why it may have been justified for Courtney Love to kill him, if it did really happen. Here’s my obviously untrue and totally unfounded conspiracy theory, that’s played for jokes and not for jabs: Courtney had to kill Kurt because she was hurt by his disinterest in her. Or, if Kurt did kill himself, he did so because he was physically abusive to Courtney Love. Here, we’re going to go through the likelihood of either happening, even though we’ve none of the evidence on hand. Polly wants an answer. And let me unleash the sincerity from my heart-shaped box. Teenage Spirit? This smells more like murder. The rationale I lead with to say such a preposterous statement is how Kurt was weighed down by his own depression coming from the guttural pains he had in his stomach to focus enough on Courtney. Also, I’m certain becoming a dad to Frances Bean Cobain was a bit of an internal shock for the midnight shift gas station clerk’s hero. So as he was subconsciously checking out, the Celebrity Skin Love had started to itch at her. “How would this reflect in the media?”, she may have thought. “What are the ramifications of dating the music industry’s black sheep?” His own father being someone as distant to him as the Sun was to the Moon, Kurt Cobain likely disassociated too hard for Courtney to drive to Malibu to get over. When reached for comment, Frances Bean didn’t respond as she just stared us down in our interrogating. Talk about feeling hypothesized down a peg. As for the other theory, that Kurt Cobain killed himself because of guilt that came from acting physically abusive to Courtney Love would have made so much sense. Often looking back at my past relationship and reviewing how I’ve acted before, it makes me think that I could’ve saved the world the trouble of rolling their eyes by ingesting a couple CC’s too many of Lithium. Kurt could’ve had a heart of gold and maybe understood therefore that the one time he may have hit or attacked or even choked Courtney Love was all too much to face. For he knows damn well that Impact is always louder than intent. Therefore, the best way to serve the servants the justice they would’ve wanted was to sacrifice himself not as a martyr, but as a murderer of innocence. As for all the terrible bits I wrote through this piece? All apologies. I don’t think there’s any holes in that, do you, Courtney?
